i honestly believe that mere “isolation” of a child when he/she does something wrong is not enough to deal with the issue prevailing in a child’s heart. there has to be a loving response to each action–speaking to the child (if he/she) can already reason out and understand so that the mom and dad can better explain why discipline is being done in the first place.

Whenever we (my wife and I) discipline our eldest daughter (4 years old), we always remind her what we talked about the previous time, that what she did at that moment is spiritually and morally wrong. HEr action offends Jesus, can hurt others and eventually hurt herself in the long run.

My wife and I are thankful to God because our daughter speaks and understand like a 7year-old. Thankful in the sense that it isn’t difficult for us to introduce God to her at her age, help her recognize the good from the bad and what would be the result if she chooses to do either of the two in a given situation.

Since our kids are all work in progress (just like all of us as well), i hope and pray that God will give us the wisdom we need from the Scripture so that we could raise up our children in the fear and knowledge of God. Truth is, in raising and disciplining a child
we all need God’s grace. Our own wisdom and experience is not enough to accomplish such task. God bless!

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying.

“I realized that even with spanking, I still keep on repeating the same mistakes but I realized that maybe without spanking, I am even worse.”

Or maybe your parents could have used other methods rather than simply talking with or without spanking? What you described is not a very effective discipline method either way. Training a child with “words” does not just mean “explaining” what they did wrong. It can also involve discussing the situation, asking your child to help you brainstorm ideas on how he can correct the current situation and how he can do it differently next time. Just hitting a child and hoping that the fear of punishment is somehow going to help them come up with better alternatives is just not an effective method. It does not TEACH them anything other than to find ways to get around punishment… things like lying, sneaking, cheating, whatever it takes to avoid the punishment and still do what they want. Once the threat of punishment is removed, there is no motivation to follow the rules. Why do you think so many people break the speed limit? They are convinced that they will not be caught, so the real reason for not speeding is ignored. (little things like safety and not getting into an accident) Punishments focus the attention on YOU rather than on OTHERS… when a child is spanked, they are not worrying about how their behavior may have effected someone else, they are thinking about how much THEY hurt and how they want to avoid getting hurt in the future. Not the right motivation for following the rules. I want my child to obey the speed limit because he is aware that speeding can cause someone to get hurt, not just himself, but others on the road with him. Same with drinking and driving, not stealing, not cheating on his wife or on his taxes. The Bible says “love does no harm to it's neighbor, therefore LOVE is the fulfillment of the law”. It's not about forcing a child to do what is right out of fear he will be caught and punished, but instilling a deep love for God, which will manifest itself as a love for others. If you love others, you will not steal from them, lie to them, or hurt them. THIS is the motivation I want to teach my child, not self-preservation. They may look the same on the outside, but God looks at your heart, not your actions.

“For me, spanking is like a mark (not physically) that reminds me to know the dos and the don'ts.”

Jesus is the one who bears the marks for sin… if you are focused on him and his marks, you won't need to worry about having marks of your own.

“busymomofseven:
I think in your case, you have a very wonderful son/daughter that doesn't require spanking or any physical contact punishment.”

When I read this to my husband, he laughed hysterically. Hon, I have seven children, not an angel among them. Two with ADHD, one diagnosed with bi-polar, two high needs, one with medical issues. I do not have one quiet, compliant child in my bunch. This is not about hitting a child because they are not naturally compliant, this is about treating ALL children the way God tells us to treat each other.

“Now am nearly 20, and I can say that, am in good shape, I got good grades, very nice job and living alone with my dog in a clean white condominium.”

But is this the standard God looks at to tell if a parenting method was “good” or not? God is not “outcome-oriented”… he's not worried about the outward behavior of a child and making them appear “good” to the rest of the world. God is far more interested in reaching the HEART of every child, because unless you do that, all the rest of it is worthless. All our “good works” are like filthy rags to God if they are not motivated by a heart full of his love.

” If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. ” 1 Cor. 13: 1-3

Basically, you can be as outwardly pious and successful as Mother Theresa and God is just not impressed if it is not motivated by love.

“Like what I said:
SPANK if you NEED to and DON'T if you DON'T have to.”

There is NEVER a time when you NEED to physically hit a child as a form of discipline… EVER. There are ALWAYS alternatives. Spanking is a *choice*, whether it is the first tool used to obtain compliance or a last resort of a parent who has run out of ideas. It is never a “need”. No child ever NEEDS to be spanked, just like no woman ever “needs” to be slapped by her spouse, no elderly person never “needs” to be smacked by a caregiver, no mentally challenged person “needs” to be smacked by their parent or caregiver. If people can handle the needs and behaviors of every other person in society without resorting to physical violence, then it makes absolutely no sense to hit a CHILD, who is less than half your size and cannot defend themselves or ask for help. Even dog trainers will tell you that it is no longer considered acceptable to hit a dog as a method of training it. It gives poor results and breaks the bond of trust that should exist between a dog and it's owner/handler.

Spanking is nothing more than a method of modifying outward behavior through the threat of pain. That is just not a good basis for a parenting method.

When I was a kiddo, my parent(mom) used to spank me when I did something very wrong and yes after getting punished my mom explains why did she punished me, yet sometimes I don't understand and I always think that “why'd you need to spank me, when we can just talk about it?” but in later days, I realized that even with spanking, I still keep on repeating the same mistakes but I realized that maybe without spanking, I am even worse.

For me, spanking is like a mark (not physically) that reminds me to know the dos and the don'ts.

Now am nearly 20, and I can say that, am in good shape, I got good grades, very nice job and living alone with my dog in a clean white condominium.

busymomofseven:
I think in your case, you have a very wonderful son/daughter that doesn't require spanking or any physical contact punishment.

But again, not all are have the same son/daughter attitude.

Like what I said:
SPANK if you NEED to and DON'T if you DON'T have to.

Yes, that is exactly what I am saying.

“I realized that even with spanking, I still keep on repeating the same mistakes but I realized that maybe without spanking, I am even worse.”

Or maybe your parents could have used other methods rather than simply talking with or without spanking? What you described is not a very effective discipline method either way. Training a child with “words” does not just mean “explaining” what they did wrong. It can also involve discussing the situation, asking your child to help you brainstorm ideas on how he can correct the current situation and how he can do it differently next time. Just hitting a child and hoping that the fear of punishment is somehow going to help them come up with better alternatives is just not an effective method. It does not TEACH them anything other than to find ways to get around punishment… things like lying, sneaking, cheating, whatever it takes to avoid the punishment and still do what they want. Once the threat of punishment is removed, there is no motivation to follow the rules. Why do you think so many people break the speed limit? They are convinced that they will not be caught, so the real reason for not speeding is ignored. (little things like safety and not getting into an accident) Punishments focus the attention on YOU rather than on OTHERS… when a child is spanked, they are not worrying about how their behavior may have effected someone else, they are thinking about how much THEY hurt and how they want to avoid getting hurt in the future. Not the right motivation for following the rules. I want my child to obey the speed limit because he is aware that speeding can cause someone to get hurt, not just himself, but others on the road with him. Same with drinking and driving, not stealing, not cheating on his wife or on his taxes. The Bible says “love does no harm to it's neighbor, therefore LOVE is the fulfillment of the law”. It's not about forcing a child to do what is right out of fear he will be caught and punished, but instilling a deep love for God, which will manifest itself as a love for others. If you love others, you will not steal from them, lie to them, or hurt them. THIS is the motivation I want to teach my child, not self-preservation. They may look the same on the outside, but God looks at your heart, not your actions.

“For me, spanking is like a mark (not physically) that reminds me to know the dos and the don'ts.”

Jesus is the one who bears the marks for sin… if you are focused on him and his marks, you won't need to worry about having marks of your own.

“busymomofseven:
I think in your case, you have a very wonderful son/daughter that doesn't require spanking or any physical contact punishment.”

When I read this to my husband, he laughed hysterically. Hon, I have seven children, not an angel among them. Two with ADHD, one diagnosed with bi-polar, two high needs, one with medical issues. I do not have one quiet, compliant child in my bunch. This is not about hitting a child because they are not naturally compliant, this is about treating ALL children the way God tells us to treat each other.

“Now am nearly 20, and I can say that, am in good shape, I got good grades, very nice job and living alone with my dog in a clean white condominium.”

But is this the standard God looks at to tell if a parenting method was “good” or not? God is not “outcome-oriented”… he's not worried about the outward behavior of a child and making them appear “good” to the rest of the world. God is far more interested in reaching the HEART of every child, because unless you do that, all the rest of it is worthless. All our “good works” are like filthy rags to God if they are not motivated by a heart full of his love.

” If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. ” 1 Cor. 13: 1-3

Basically, you can be as outwardly pious and successful as Mother Theresa and God is just not impressed if it is not motivated by love.

“Like what I said:
SPANK if you NEED to and DON'T if you DON'T have to.”

There is NEVER a time when you NEED to physically hit a child as a form of discipline… EVER. There are ALWAYS alternatives. Spanking is a *choice*, whether it is the first tool used to obtain compliance or a last resort of a parent who has run out of ideas. It is never a “need”. No child ever NEEDS to be spanked, just like no woman ever “needs” to be slapped by her spouse, no elderly person never “needs” to be smacked by a caregiver, no mentally challenged person “needs” to be smacked by their parent or caregiver. If people can handle the needs and behaviors of every other person in society without resorting to physical violence, then it makes absolutely no sense to hit a CHILD, who is less than half your size and cannot defend themselves or ask for help. Even dog trainers will tell you that it is no longer considered acceptable to hit a dog as a method of training it. It gives poor results and breaks the bond of trust that should exist between a dog and it's owner/handler.

Spanking is nothing more than a method of modifying outward behavior through the threat of pain. That is just not a good basis for a parenting method.

When I was a kiddo, my parent(mom) used to spank me when I did something very wrong and yes after getting punished my mom explains why did she punished me, yet sometimes I don't understand and I always think that “why'd you need to spank me, when we can just talk about it?” but in later days, I realized that even with spanking, I still keep on repeating the same mistakes but I realized that maybe without spanking, I am even worse.

For me, spanking is like a mark (not physically) that reminds me to know the dos and the don'ts.

Now am nearly 20, and I can say that, am in good shape, I got good grades, very nice job and living alone with my dog in a clean white condominium.

busymomofseven:
I think in your case, you have a very wonderful son/daughter that doesn't require spanking or any physical contact punishment.

But again, not all are have the same son/daughter attitude.

Like what I said:
SPANK if you NEED to and DON'T if you DON'T have to.